Rape or Non-consensual Sex

A lot of discussion and vehemence about this. The radical view predominant in Scandinavia seems to be that non-consensual sex is rape. Period. Some old-fashioned men especially in the US have voiced very different opinions and have been severely castigated for this. I know I risk to be considered a sexist pig, but I have serious reservations about equating the two. I still think the life in general and sexual life of human beings is too complicated to fit into strict yes-no logic. We are willingly or unwillingly a part of animal kingdom and our erotic rituals are quite similar to the rituals of some other animals. And in these rituals, often the female no is not an absolute no but can be a step toward finally saying yes. And besides verbal language, there is the body language too. That is sometimes not easy to understand and interpret. Especially for men who have in general less empathy, are more autistic than women. In my childhood I was a good guy, having grown up among women, and taking over some elements of female world view. And it was a shock to me to discover that men relish talkint obscenities, that in their discourse sex is very much connected with rude force, even with violence. And the greatest shock was to find that girls were more interested in such macho-type men than in good guys as me.

I cannot but agree with the assertion that a female no is a no when it is told seriously, not as an element in a play where woman rises the stakes, present herself as a more valuable partner asking for an effort from the male to get access to her favours. But it is not always easy for a male to find out the difference between these no's. Yes, we men tend to be autistic. As I have been explained by women, they always understand whether a man is interested in them. Not so with men. My female friends have told me several times about other women they said were attracted to me. I didn't understand this.

And there is another difference between a no and a no. It's the body language. Even if a man understands the no his would-to-be partner says, there is a difference whether this no is told without or before any kissing and petting, or later when she has agreed to lay with him in bed naked or half-naked. Here, it is not simply a person understanding another person, but a body understanding another body. And a male body tends to understand the closeness of a female body in a very straightforward way. Yes, with an effort, a man can even then abstain from sex. But I think women should understand that such last minute abstention is detrimental to male health. Strong arousal without following gratification, without the possibility of penetration and ejaculation can easily lead to inflammation of the prostate and the lower urinary tract. If it becomes chronical, it can lead to prostate cancer and other nasty illnesses. I have had prostate cancer and following surgery, and I believe one reason of this was the fact that I was too good a guy and couldn't understand that bad guys had more luck with women than good guys. And quite possibly still have. Non-consensual sex is not always a rape, but in any case it is not a good thing. To avoid it, we need more understanding between men and women. We need more understanding of each other's essential differences and similarities, more openness and courage to talk about things in a way that is not always politically correct.